I have really missed doing my daily updates on the blog. I was thinking about it just now when I decided to post an update.
Josh and I are doing ok. We have enjoyed our time together in Heber Springs, Arkansas, where we have taken a much needed break this week. It has been nice, but when we resume our life as we know it next week, it will be tough. All we can do is take it one day at at time, one hour at a time.
The hardest part about my grief for losing Will is when I forget that he is gone. I have caught myself doing this a couple of times, but I am sure it will pass. For example, when our power went out last week, the first thing I thought about was... oh no! Will's ventilator! But then, I remember, he isn't here. Maternal instinct is a very powerful thing. You can't just shut it off.
But, I am still amazed at the affect Will has had upon others. For this I am very thankful.
Anyway, I thought I would share the wonderful eulogy that our pastor, Dale Robble, did for Will's memorial service.
147 Days. It sounds so short. And it leads to the profound mystery of life…and to the most asked question in life…Why?
Over the years I've probably asked myself thousands of times “Why?” Why does God allows things like this to happen — and I still don't know the full answer.
The Bible speaks of "the mystery of iniquity"— In Second Thessalonians 2:7.
and that is what evil and death is: a mystery. But what I do know is this: No matter what happens to us, God still loves us and He still cares for us.
He knows your pain and heartache. He knows the grief we are going through.
Jesus' promise for you is: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4).
We may not always understand why things happen—but God does,
And we can turn to Him for the comfort we need.
Take comfort in the fact that Will is now whole.
His heart is full of love and happiness.
He has no more scars and tubes…
He has seen his last physician…
Because he had an appointment…
With the great physician.
And as we speak, Will is playing safely in heaven
Beyond the pain and sorrows
of this room and this world.
And take comfort also in the fact that some day you can see Will again in heaven.
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In heaven there is "no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).
Thank God for the hope we have in Christ!
In cases such as this, we have a choice to make.
All of us survivors have a choice.
A choice, to either view Little Will from the vantage point of entitlement,
and that is to say, “He was mine. I had a right to him. He was my child,
and therefore his death is tantamount to theft,” or to look on Will from the vantage point of grace and gift … That is that fact that: He was never really ours, really, -- not for a single moment longer than we could claim was our “right.”
We have a choice between which perspectives we would put around his 147 days with us
and as a part of your and our history.
My prayer is, our prayer is, that you chose to regard his life as a gift.
I chose to regard him as a little boy that I never deserved to know. As someone
whose very presence in my existence was utterly beyond anything I could have created.
That does not take the sadness out of it. It does not in any way diminish the grief,
but it keeps me from being angry and resentful at God … or at the doctors
and I would say to you that you, too, have the same choice –
You can either regard the people you have loved and lost…as your rightful possession and therefore their death as a kind of stealing of what rightfully belongs to you;
or … you can stop asking, “Why did he die?”
and step back and ask a greater question, “Why did he live?”
When you ask that question, you’re getting back to that mystery of grace that any of us exists for a single day and the kind of gratitude that you feel in the presence of something
that you know is a gift is something very different from what you feel when something that is rightfully yours has been stolen.
So “Why did Will live?”
You know, God could have just made sure he was never conceived.
But Will had a purpose. “Why did Will live?”
I don’t know both families real well. I don’t know everyone here. But I suspect Will lived so this family would come together, intertwined together in love as every family should be.
I think Will lived for so Josh and Stephanie would experience real love. Will lived so the Burns, Cox, Smith, Perdue families would come together.
I think he lived so we would all turn to God. I think Will lived to bring this large extended, blended family together.
And I pray he lived, so that that this becomes routine, and not just during a time such as this.
Will lived for all of you…Will, Little Man, mission accomplished. Well done!
It only took him 147 days to do amazing things in our lives. 147 days.
Imagine what you could do. Imagine what you could do in honor of Will n the next 365 days.
John 14:2-3 (NLT)
There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.
Somehow, I think God made sure Will’s place was ready fast, because his heart was small…and so full of fight…and so tired…but it could only take so much.
Psalm 56:8,
"You, God, keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."
The image there is that God is so moved by our tears, he collects and numbers every single one of them.
Eric Clapton wondered in his Grammy Award winning song that was just played about the loss of his six-year-old son, if there would be tears in heaven. And the answer is, yes.
Your tears are there. God is so aware of every single one of them. He's made note of them.
Just as a parent needs to know that his or her child is safe at school. Josh and Stephanie,
You long to know that Will is safe in death. We long for reassurance that the soul of a child goes immediately to be with God. But dare we believe it. Can we believe it?
According to the Bible we can.
Scripture is surprisingly quiet about this phase of our lives.
When speaking about the period between the death of the body, and the resurrection of the body, the Bible doesn't shout; it whispers. Kind of like you would lean over and whisper into Will’s little ear.
But in that whisper, a strong voice is heard.
This authoritative voice assures us that, at death, Will immediately entered
into the presence of God and enjoys conscious fellowship with the Father
and with those who have gone before.
Jesus said, "Bring the little children unto me."
And He said that for a reason.
Will is complete again
He will be missed. Our God is the God of all comfort and He can bind our broken hearts with His love. God loves you and sees your needs. Let Him meet those needs today
and every day.
Lean on Him today and every day until you meet Will again.
