Sunday, March 5th
Today was pretty hard for us, as you can imagine. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions.
The toughest part had to be when we came home this afternoon. We set our bags down in the living room, and the first thing I wanted to do was go into Will's nursery. Tears rolled down my face as I realized he would never see his room that I had so carefully decorated and planned out for him. It is hard to know that he never knew what life was like outside of a hospital.
And as I finish his baby book, I realize all the "firsts" we will miss together... first bottle, first outing, first tooth, first steps, etc. Our hearts are broken, and I wonder if they will ever be unbroken.
Our experience with Will's life and death is something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy, but at the same time, I would not trade this experience for anything in the world.
It was through Will that Josh & I have come to wrestle with the sovereignty of God and ultimately find a deeper walk with God than we could have ever imagined. When you are faced with burying your firstborn infant child, you are shaken to the core of your being. The blessing in that is, it is then that we approach God and His sovereignty from a rare perspective. We come to Him stripped of all pride, broken, desperately aware of our hopelessness apart from Christ. It is in our weakness that we find His strength, hope, comfort, and salvation.
The toughest part had to be when we came home this afternoon. We set our bags down in the living room, and the first thing I wanted to do was go into Will's nursery. Tears rolled down my face as I realized he would never see his room that I had so carefully decorated and planned out for him. It is hard to know that he never knew what life was like outside of a hospital.
And as I finish his baby book, I realize all the "firsts" we will miss together... first bottle, first outing, first tooth, first steps, etc. Our hearts are broken, and I wonder if they will ever be unbroken.
Our experience with Will's life and death is something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy, but at the same time, I would not trade this experience for anything in the world.
It was through Will that Josh & I have come to wrestle with the sovereignty of God and ultimately find a deeper walk with God than we could have ever imagined. When you are faced with burying your firstborn infant child, you are shaken to the core of your being. The blessing in that is, it is then that we approach God and His sovereignty from a rare perspective. We come to Him stripped of all pride, broken, desperately aware of our hopelessness apart from Christ. It is in our weakness that we find His strength, hope, comfort, and salvation.
posted by Stephanie Burns @ 9:07 PM
15 Comments:
At 10:24 PM,
Anonymous said…
POWERFUL!!! what a testimony you are to others!!! I know you don't feel it at all today but you are!!! i hope that one day you are able to find strength in that! It was 7 years ago today that much to our surprise my first neice was born with one of the same heart defects. We NEVER thought we would make it through but we did by leaning on God and leaning on eachother...so the best words that I can offer are...lean on God and lean on eachother...do not loose focus!!! Our prayers and thoughts are with you!!!
At 11:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
I found out about little Will from Kellen carepage. My heart goes out to you at this time. I can say that I know how you are feeling. My baby girl Fayth went home to the Lord 10/22/05 from heart defects. She was just little over 12 weeks. I miss her so very much. The pain can not be put into words. I also can say that Will had a wonderful welcoming party for him in Heaven. Our children are waiting to introduce us. Can you imagine what they are telling each other?
"Just wait until you meet my Mom & Dad! They love me so much! You'll see!"
"Yeah, my Mom & Dad love me too! It'll be so cool when they are all here with us!"
It's those thoughts that bring me comfort. I hope it brings you some comfort too.
You are in my prayers,
Melissa Edwards
carepage: fayths
At 11:10 PM,
Mama Barn said…
Oh Steph! Your words are so beautiful! You made me ball.
In a way, we have something that people who have not suffered a great loss don't have. We have a deeper faith because we have been thru a fire, stripped of our pride, broken and desperately aware of our hopelessness apart from Jesus, as your own beautiful words declare. We now will be used by Jesus to comfort and minister to others. This really in a "wierd" way is a gift to us. Because in reality, our goal is for our loved ones to end up in Heaven, so we can be together for eternity and well, Will and Eliya are already home. They have the best and now they wait for us, which I believe will be in no time for them because time is strange in Heaven.
I feel for you as your mournful journey begins. You will cry alot the first few days. Your chest will want to cave in and your gut will have a huge knot in it, your throat will hurt. I could not go out in public for awhile because anything would set me off. Even things you would not think about bothering you does. Resist any temptation to dwell on the "what if's" and the "why me's". God has a plan to turn this tragedy into something good.
As John 12:23,24 "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces MANY SEEDS."
CeCe Winans has a good song called..."you will"on her "Purified" c.d., and I highly recommend you buying Natalie Grant's c.d. "Awaken". These c.d.'s minister to me. The words are incredible and really help. If you like music. We had Wayne Watson's "Home Free" with an acoustic guitar accompanying sang at her funeral and the words to that song are incredible...
"I'm trying hard not to think you unkind,
but Heavenly Father, If you know my heart surely you can read my mind,
good people underneath a sea of grief,
some get up and walk away,
some find ultimate relief
chorus: Home free...eventually
at the ultimate healing
we will be home free
home free
oh, I've got a feeling
at the ultimate healing
we will be home free
Out in the corridor we pray for the life,
a mother for her baby,
a husband for his wife,
sometimes the good die young
it's sad but true,
and while we pray for one more heartbeat,
the real comfort is with you.
repeat chorus
pain has little mercy,
sufferings no respecter of age of race or position,
I know that every prayer gets answered,
but the hardest one to pray is slow to come...
oh Lord, not mine, but your will be done.
repeat chorus
I will be praying for you both. Please call me ANYTIME. It really helps just to cry with someone who understands. 269-544-2790
Here is a verse from a song that was sang in honor of Eliya @ church the following Sunday morning,...
"I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain,
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord..."
Our babies are singing that now with the angels. I can picture Eliya giving Will a great big hug and that big beautiful smile she had. She'll be so excited to see him! She probably is holding Will's free hand that is not being held by Jesus. I like just imagining it!
Remember He'll give you a peace, a peace that passeth all understanding.
Love ya,
Angela
At 7:07 AM,
Anonymous said…
I love you guys.....I want to reach out and wrap my arms around both of you and hold you tight...My words will be insufficient during this time of reflection. Please know that I love you and care for you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
I am bouyed by the thought that now Will has no pain, no tubes, no trachs or surgeries. I know that Will is in heaven and that it is a better place. I believe that right now and for the rest of your lives Will is watching over you - just as you have watched over him and held him.
At 7:58 AM,
Anonymous said…
We are friends of the Strausers. We wanted to let you know that you are in our hearts and prayers.
God Bless.
The Lays
carepage: haydenlay
At 8:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hello Josh and Stephanie:
I am just heart broken for you both. I can't even imagine your pain, but I am also amazed at your wisdom during such a difficult ordeal. You two are so blessed to have had such a wonderful little boy in your life, even if only for a short time. We have all learned a lot about faith through Will's life. He will never be forgotten!
Peace to both of you,
Shawnye
At 8:22 AM,
Anonymous said…
Human words are not enough, but to know that Jesus and all of Heaven was there to welcome Will is a great comfort. And to know that there will be another opportunity for you someday to wrap your arms around him and to know that he is well. I will not pretend to know what you are going through, I have 3 children of my own and I can't fathom the thought of losing one.
I do know this, God loves you, you are surrounded by friends that love you. I don't know you personally, but have followed closely as you have loved your son and I love you.
Your family is in our prayers. And Will is in the arms of Jesus!
At 8:35 AM,
Anonymous said…
Josh and Stephanie, You guys know that if no one understands how you feel right now, I do. I had to bury my firstborn infant daughter, Jada. I still feel the pain almost 2 years later. Will will forever be in your hearts and no matter how many more children God will bless you with, he will always be your first and will never be replaced. He is surely perfect. When Jesus returns, Will will be part of the resurrection and he will have a brand new healthy body. Rest assured that God know what you feel and he will bless you beyond measure. He has done it for me. The two of you will become so much stronger as Tino and I have become. Call me anytime day or nite if you need ANYTHING I swear I will be there for you. Please let me know the arrangements. 931-436-5777.
At 9:52 AM,
Jay said…
There is a song we sing at church the chorus of which says,
He gives and takes away.
He gives and takes away.
But my heart will choose to say,
'Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be his name.'
I will forever think of Will when I sing this song, and although I may never understand the mystery of our God while I am on this earth, I will commit myself to believe in Him, to trust Him and to bless His name.
I can do this because of you, Stephanie and Josh. And because of Will. Because I got the chance to see the sovereignty of God and His awesome power displayed through you.
Thank you. and thank Will, for your amazing courageousness and steadfast faith and for sharing yourselves with us all.
Maranatha - Lord, come quickly.
Uncle Jay
At 11:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
You don't know me, but I've been keeping up to date on your little man through my Aunt... I just wanted to say a few things.
May the Lord console your heart right now more then ever. May he wrap his loving arms around you and let you know- that you will see Will again. Sometimes this life seems unfair and cruel and no one can understand it. Sometimes it might feel like you can't move on. But it is in those moments that you should seek and reach out to those who love you- and in the name of Jesus may you be brought together in that love.
I have heard only wonderful stories about both of you and your Will. You are amazing people and amazing parents... I know that times are rough- though I will never know how you feel.... May God bless you- and remember- reach out when you are weak- no one can do things like this alone.
God Bless
Your sister in Christ
At 11:36 AM,
Anonymous said…
+
Josh and Stephanie,
God bless you both in this time of loss.
There are special times in our lives when we have the blessing of the heavens being opened up for us that we might experience and know more completely of God's Grace, Presence, and Power. These are mystical moments and in their own ways supreme gifts. As well, sometimes these moments come about only in the breaking open of our hearts. I know that that is the case for you both now.
I want to share with you something I heard at a funeral for another young man years ago who was a student in my husbands class when he was teaching first grade. The tone of the funeral was clear in it's instruction to us of the passing of a young innocent child. These young souls are ushered to heaven on the wings of the angels. They are spotless in God's eyes and gain immediate entry into His Kingdom. The blessing for you in this is that Heaven is opened up for you at this time.
In the funeral service there is also a phrase sung that becomes our heartfelt prayer.
"With the Saints, give rest, O Christ, to the souls of Thy servants, where there is no pain, no sorrow, no sighing, but life everlasting."
God bless you. You are all in our prayers.
Jessee Turner
Robert Smith's sister
At 12:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
My deepest sympathy to your whole family. Having followed Will's journey I have seen both your strength in our Lord. Will came to show you the way to the deeper relationship you wrote about in this log. This doesn't make it easier, but knowing Will is perfect and in GOD's arms can bring you great comfort knowing you will se him someday and he will show you around his heaven. He has become your angel.
My thought and prayers are with you.
Tammy Taylor
Mercedes-Benz of Nashville
At 4:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dear Josh and Stephanie,
I hardly even know what to say. I tried to see you at the Ronald McDonald House on Sunday, but you had already gone. Tears are coming even now as I try to imagine the pain and finality of watching him leave and then leaving without him. The only comfort is knowing that Will is now free from all that held him back and caused him so much struggle. And also the knowledge that you are trusting in God despite the fact that you lost your son. May you find strength in His comfort and His goodness. May your marriage be held up through the strain of this loss. Please call or write anytime.
Arlene Pearson, mom to Jeremiah
At 1:08 PM,
Anonymous said…
Stephanie and Josh,
We are so sorry to hear of your loss. There just aren't words to comfort you . . . only God can do that. We do want you to know that we are praying for you and your families during this very difficult time.
I seems as though you have made good use of your horrible situation and circumstances and found a source for comfort that can be found nowhere else.
We will be out of town when the memorial is held, but our thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Much love,
Patti and Lloyd Phelps
At 8:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
I will keep you all in my prayers as I have done. I know you are in Gods hands and HE will be your strength, comforter and peace through this storm.
Together in Christ Jesus,
Tonya Schupp-Fullenwider
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